Parents need not worry about giving gifts to their children this year. The economic problems that our nation is going through can be used a learning tool for many of them.
Psychologist Aaron Cooper has never approved the trendy mentality espoused by many parents, "I just want them to be happy." He is encouraging us to change our attitude.
"There's a once-in-a-lifetime silver lining here," says psychologist Aaron Cooper, Ph.D., an expert on child and family relations with The Family Institute at Northwestern University. "These tough times, especially at the holidays, offer kids four long-term benefits if parents play it right." Plus welcome reassurance to parents who understand the upside.
Cooper has been an outspoken critic of the widespread "I just want them to be happy" mentality, claiming that it handicaps our youth for life and feeds the rising rates of depression, anxiety, and worry.
"We shield youngsters from so much adversity trying to keep them happy," he explains, "that we deprive them of the practice they need navigating rough waters. There's no other way to develop resilience except by facing adversity.
It's a paradox that the first benefit of holiday belt-tightening is the valuable practice kids will have coping with disappointment. Believe it or not, that's exactly the sort of adversity-practice they need." "Less is more" is how Cooper describes the second benefit. "Research shows that children who grow up receiving a never-ending stream of stuff are less grateful for what they have. My hope is that scaled-down holiday spending will stimulate the development of appreciation and thankfulness, especially if cutbacks continue into the new year. After all, do kids really need an average of 70 gifts a year?" How to explain it to the children? Cooper suggests that parents acknowledge honestly the family's reduced resources, saying that what's available has to be shared among everyone at home. He sees this message as the third benefit of the economic downturn.
"After years of hearing us say that their personal happiness is our fondest wish, kids naturally conclude that their needs and wants matter more than anything-more than the needs of family or community or nation," Cooper says. In I Just Want My Kids To Be Happy: Why You Shouldn't Say It, Why You Shouldn't Think It, What You Should Embrace Instead (Late August Press, 2008), he cites excessive self-focus as one of the five reasons parents "shouldn't say it." What will children do without those new iPods or cell phones or videogames? "It's an opportunity to connect more around the holidays, instead of everyone in separate corners with their latest toy or gadget," he says. "How about some family time? Watching movies or baking cookies together, exploring a new neighborhood or an afternoon at the skating rink for a fraction of what some of the gifts would cost." Cooper calls enhanced family closeness-the fourth benefit -- the true and greatest blessing during this economic turmoil.
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